The Voyage of Self-Discovery, Part II

Tuesday afternoon found me in St. Paul, at Louise’s apartment, with nothing to do. The reason for this was not that there was nothing to do, but simply that Louise was at work, and I did not have the energy to go exploring on my own. My time in St. Paul was fun, though it was a shame that Louise had to work as much as she did. I wanted to spend more time with her, but since she is moving to France in the fall to teach English, she needs all the money she can get. I would not force her to ask for time off because of me. In any case, I had a good time. We went to Books and Bars, which is a fantastic idea of a book club combined with alcohol; what could be better?! They read a book each month then meet at a bar to discuss it. It was really fun even though I hadn’t read the book. After that was the mid night show of Harry Potter 6, which I, surprisingly, enjoyed immensely (my opinions on the Harry Potter movies could take up an entire new blog); I especially love seeing all the high schoolers get all dressed up, though it makes me feel really old. Louise showed me Macalester and we got sandwiches to eat by the river. We walked around the Minneapolis Institute of Art and saw the big cherry spoon at the sculpture garden. It was great to hang out with her, since, like Katie, I had rarely seen her since Christmas break. But on Friday, after dinner, I headed out to Mounds View for the final part of my road trip.

The event was fantastic, and if I can manage to go again next year, I will. It was definitely smaller than I was expecting, but I think that made it better, since the teachers were a bit more forced to focus on you. I was incredibly nervous; this was my very first swing event where I didn’t know anyone. In the past, any event I had gone to was also attended by at least two or three other Obies, but here, it was only me. I shouldn’t have worried though, since everyone there was incredibly nice and welcoming. At least two people came up to me on the first night, asking if I was out of town, and oh, where are you from? How did you hear about us? It was great. It was also nicer than expected to go back to an empty hotel room, but myself, after the dances were over. I feel like I was finally as courageous as I’d always imagined myself to be, going to this event alone. And that was definitely a good thing, since a lot of this trip was about finding stuff out about myself.

I drove home on Monday, stopping Monday night in Chicago with Katie. It was uneventful, which was fine by me. I made it home Tuesday without incident, in good time. I guess I did figure some things out on this trip, though they were mainly things that I need to work on, like my patience and my impulse, but I guess it’s a start. I know what I need to work on now, and am doing my best to do so. I hope to be a better, more grounded person when I get to Concord in the fall, so hopefully my time in Thailand is somewhat productive.

The Voyage of Self-Discovery, Part I

I guess my summer, up until a few weeks ago, was pretty boring, since, after I came home from Oberlin, I wasn't working. I mainly sat around the house all day trying to muster the will to get to the gym.

I had heard about the Twin Cities Balboa Festival at All Bal (which had been the highlight of my summer so far), and harbored a desire to go, but was unsure of whether this could become a reality or not. The Twin Cities are awfully far from Cincinnati, and to just drive up for the weekend seemed a bit excessive. However, luck would have it that my two best friends lived in convenient visiting-points along the way; Katie lived in Chicago and Louise lived in St. Paul itself. A plan was forming slowly in my mind: I could drive to Chicago, visit Katie for a few days, then drive to St. Paul, and visit Louise for a few days, then go to the Festival. It would be perfect! Now the question was: Did I have enough money? I fretted over this for a while before deciding that I did have enough, and even if the trip cleaned out my checking account, I was about to be a salaried teacher in the fall, wasn't I? Another motivating factor was the fact that I really needed to get out of Cincinnati. Due to a weird sequence of events, I’d been presented with some information about myself that I was not particularly proud of, and really wanted to get out of the house in order to figure things out; about myself, about this weird situation, about life. So, I decided to road trip. It worked out even more beautifully since my good friends from Cincinnati, also from high school, would be coming to Chicago for the weekend as well. So we headed north for a weekend of shopping and clubbing in Chicago.

I’d never been out clubbing like that before, and it was a bit of a shock to realize that I was expected to talk to and flirt with guys I didn’t know. I guess that’s how things work in the real world, and so far my experience was limited to Oberlin, where we had house parties and I almost always knew at least half the people in the room. I managed to convince Katie that I didn’t want to flirt with any guys; I just wanted to dance in the safe cocoon of our friends. Thankfully, she allowed me to remain inconspicuous, and I had a great time jumping around with my friends. My friends from home left for Cincinnati on Sunday morning, while I was planning to head out on Monday. Katie and I spent Sunday quietly, sleeping in then drinking coffee at Starbucks while we read and chatted. It was really nice and relaxing; I want to spend all my Sundays like that.

Monday morning I was off again, this time to Appleton, Wisconsin, to visit my favorite set of twins ever, whom I had met at Oberlin while teaching swing dancing. I made good time, and Laura and I had a wonderful lunch, after which she showed me around downtown Appleton. We went back to her house and just hung out and talked until her two sisters, one twin, Stephanie, one older, Catherine, returned from work, after which we had dinner then rented a movie. It was a wonderfully simple evening, but really fun. I love those girls and had a really good time hanging out with them.

To be Continued…

Graduation, etc.

I guess a post about graduation is, by this point, long over due. Over a month ago, I graduated from Oberlin College with Honors in Latin. The whole day- and the week leading up to it- were nothing if not surreal and almost fake. All of Senior Week, all I could think of was, "This might be the last time I eat at Black River, This might be the last time I walk to the gym," etc, etc. I felt like everything we did during Senior Week was incredibly forced- we all felt like we had to have the most fun and have the most outrageous time that week, and I ended up having very little fun. I can hardly party hard one night a week, let alone 7. And in addition to all this forced-fun, little arguments got blown out of proportion, everyone seemed to be mad at everyone else, and my housemates and I finally concluded that the administration keeps all the Seniors an extra week to make us all hate each other so we can't wait to leave. All this was a bit depressing, since I had started to become resentful toward the place that had been my home for the past four years. However, somehow I managed to get through it all- parents, my housemates families, packing- and finally graduate. It was a beautiful day, the speakers were all very good, even if the commencement speech was a bit of a downer. And that was it. I wish I could say that I felt some immense difference after I was handed my diploma, but in all honesty, I was just glad it was over, and was preparing to deal with the incredibly stressful aftermath. Swarms of family and friends descended upon us; I can't remember being more overwhelmed by people. But the ceremony was over; it was time to get ready to go home.

As I packed up my car after lunch, I kept waiting. Waiting to feel different, waiting to realize that I was never coming back, waiting to burst into tears. But it never happened. I teared up a bit when I said goodbye to some friends, but I would be seeing most of them again, whether over the summer or once I moved to Boston. As I said goodbye to my housemates, I knew I would see them all again, so again, it did not seem like a sad moment in which an era ends. I simply got in the car and drove away, as if it was the end to any other school year. I did cry a bit on the way home, but not much, and I have to say, I have yet to feel extremely sad. I am excited and ready to enter the "real world," and though I will miss Oberlin, I have to admit that I was ready to leave.

Perhaps I'll feel differently in the fall, when I am in Boston instead, but that remains to be seen.