Saying good -bye

I thought that I would feel different after I turned in my last exam on Saturday, free and happy, but I felt the same; anxious over my exam and wondering what I wanted to do with the rest of my day. I wondered to myself, "I'm done with college now; shouldn't I feel different? Where's that dramatic shift in my life?" I guess it didn't really hit me until yesterday, when I had to say goodbye to a close friend, one whom I don't know when I'll ever see again. It hit me hard when I walked into his room and saw that everything had been packed away. The room was bare and I though, "Oh my god, in about a week my room will look like this too. This is really happening; he's really leaving and I really have to say goodbye." We sat and talked and listened to music, joked about summer plans and discussed his plans for his semester abroad. But finally the moment came when he had to go meet other friends. He hugged me and all I could think of was "No, don't leave me," when in fact it is I who am leaving. I will be moving out and into the world, leaving behind this wonderful place I have come to call home. He was the first of many people that I will have to say good-bye to, the first of many whom I may never see again. As I walked home holding back tears, I couldn't help but think about my past four years here. I walked past all the buildings I had ever taken classes in, the library where I spent more than enough time, the lawns where we would lie out in the sun. As excited as I am to move on to a new phase in my life, I'm not really sure if I'm ready to leave this one behind. I love Oberlin, and all the people I've met here. I will miss almost everything about life here and am terrified of having to move to a new place and start over. I'm terrified of losing contact with those I really care about- everyone is so busy all the time, will I truly keep in touch? But I guess that's just a part of growing up- packing up and moving on, holding on to the things-and people-that really matter.