A few days ago I wrote about turning 23. Today I write about adjusting to life out of college in general. It's definitely along the same lines- trying to fit into a new environment, finding my place within it and not losing my sense of self. I think the thing that strikes me most is the different sense of community I have here at CA. In college, my sense of place within the community was secure. I was a swimmer, a very integral member of a team. I had all the bonuses of a team - the almost automatic friends, the sense of a greater purpose, the support system. I was also a member of the Classics Department, and that had it's own bonuses, as well- the feeling of family, the knowledge that your peers were as dorky about the same things as you were, and intellectual stimulation. Those two groups became my families at Oberlin, my communities that defined my experience there. (Swing dancing almost had that sort of significance, but I hated almost everyone involved at the end of senior year, so I don't count it as much. haha) I had friends, I was learning lost of awesome things about the world and myself, and I felt like I truly belonged.
And then I graduated.
It's amazing how quickly things can change! I am no longer a competitive swimmer or a Classics major, two things which defined my character and allowed me to get the job I now have. I no longer have two huge families whom I see every day, who are always checking up on me, who are involved in almost every minute of my life. Now, this isn't exactly a bad thing; it is nice to live alone (GOD, I love living alone!), not to have people ask me where I'm going or what I'm doing all the time, to be able to just have some space to myself. However, I did lose an enormous support system, not just my peers but the mentors I had in my professors, my boss at the library, and my coach, the indomitable Mark Fino. These were people who truly cared about me and my well being, who asked how I was doing and really wanted an answer, who pushed me to be the best I could be. I'm not saying that there aren't people in the CA community who care about me, but there is no one with whom I have such a close relationship yet.
"Yet" is the key word there. I was at Oberlin for four years, and I saw all the people I mentioned above almost every day. For four years. It was almost impossible for us not to form some kind of connection. There are days here where I don't see Jamie, the other Latin teacher, or my other friends in the faculty, and the fact that I may not be here next year, and certainly not for more than two years, almost disallows that kind of connection to form; we just won't have to time.
It's been difficult for me , learning to adjust to living life on my own. Because that's what I'm doing. I'm learning to live without the constant support of adults because, frankly, I am an adult now. Now I'm the one mentoring students, dispensing advice, dealing with conflicts. It's been difficult, knowing that the students look up to me and see me as a person of wisdom, when I still feel the need to run to Kirk's or Mark's office so I can burst into tears about a stressful day. I hope I am learning gracefully, figuring out how to survive without someone asking me every day, "How are you? Everything ok?" because I truly want to be one of those people that kids come to because they know they can count on them. I want to be like Mark Fino or Kirk Ormand, who spent countless hours comforting me, not even needing to say anything while still letting me know that they understood what I was going through.
So, here's to being an adult, figuring out new support systems, and becoming an expert at life.
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