Intention

Last night I saw Woody Allen's new film, Midnight in Paris. I really liked it, though it made me want to go to Paris so badly. The plot is rather like science-fiction: Gil, who daydreams about the "Golden Age" of Paris in the '20's, finds himself magically transplanted there during a midnight stroll. He meets all the famous writers and artists who called Paris home at that time: Hemmingway, the Fitzgeralds, Picasso, etc. He spends a few nights amongst them, unable to believe he is actually living in an era he had so often dreamed about. The catch comes at the end, when his 1920s love interest sighs that she wished she had been born at the turn of the century, in "La Belle Epoque." When Gil tries to tell her that she is living in that age, that the '20s are the true Beautiful Age, she repeats, almost verbatim, the same complaints Gil himself had about the 2000s.

The moral of the story of obviously to be happy in the life you have, not waste energy dreaming about something impossible. It was a bit cliche, but it made an impression on me. Sometimes I find it really difficult to focus on the present moment; I'm too busy reliving highlights from the past or frantically trying to imagine what life will be like in the future. I've been doing this lately especially now that The Boyfriend is in Italy - it's been hard for me to focus on the present because I've been so lonely.

Well, the film has inspired me. I am going to try to be much more intentional about my daily life, and not just go through the motions, especially now that The Boyfriend is gone. We've lived together for about a year now, and I was so sad and lonely when he left last week, but I've realized now that it's good for me to have some time for just me, time to figure out again who I am outside of our relationship, just on my own. I'm not sure how I'll do this exactly, but it's certainly something worth thinking about each day, especially if I'm considering just sitting in front of the T.V. for the rest of the night. It reminds me of a speech one of the seniors at The Academy gave last year. He said that he hated feeling like he wasn't being productive. He never just sat around watching T.V. because he always felt like there was something better to be doing. And that, in a nutshell, is what I'm pursuing, I suppose: meaningful productivity.

On the more mundane side of things (or not, given what I just wrote above), tomorrow is a mini-orientation at Tufts for those students in the Dept of Education taking classes this summer. I'm very excited about it because it means I'll get to meet some people from my program - and hopefully expand my social agenda a bit, too. :)

Here's to living with intention and purpose!

ciao

A Successful Transplant

Well, world, we did it. The Boyfriend and I successfully moved all our crap from our apartment in the 'burbs of Boston into the city. Into Somerville, to be more specific, which, for all you non-Bostonians out there, is technically not Boston, but a separate city (but it is part of the Greater Boston Metropolitan Area). Whatever, it's all the same to me. And I love it. Our new apartment is spacious and full of light!! So much so that we were unable to sleep past 5am for the first few days because of the amount of sunlight streaming in through our blinds (and due to the total failure of our blinds). I guess living in a garden apartment makes you forget that there is, indeed, sun in the mornings.

Though we've had the apartment since June 1st, because of our trip to Ohio, this is the first full week we've been living here. We spent the first few days last week recovering from the road trip, and just when things are about to settle down, one of us has to jump up and leave again. That's right, the Boyfriend is leaving for Italy tomorrow, and will be gone on an archaeological dig there for six weeks. Boo hoo for me, but I guess with classes starting at Tufts on the 5th of July, I'll have other things to worry about other than being crushingly lonely. I also plan on doing quite a few fun things with some girlfriends, so hopefully I'll have plenty to post about. But that's about it for now, world. Have a lovely Wednesday!

ciao

Alma Mater

As I mentioned in my last post, I was in Oberlin earlier this week, staying with the magnificent CMF himself. Overall I had a good time - hanging out with CMF was especially fun- but there was a subtle strange feeling that permeate the days which we spent there. I had not been back to Oberlin since I graduate from that fine institution two years ago. I had refused to go, mostly because of financial issues, but also because I knew that it would be different from when I had been there; different people, different events, a different atmosphere. I didn't want to go back and feel disappointed that things were not exactly as I had left them. This trip, however, was a necessity; The Boyfriend had some work he had to do with a professor there and Oberlin made a good stopping point on our drive from Boston to Cincinnati, which was our ultimate destination. I thought that after two years, I would have grown up and out of Oberlin enough to handle the strangeness of going back to a place that was no longer mine.

I suppose I was wrong.

I had expected to get on campus and feel as if the college years had been yesterday. In reality, I couldn't remember the names of streets or buildings, or names of people. None of the major places or people from my tenure there, but things I had once known nonetheless. New buildings had been built and I couldn't remember what had been there before. The food - burgers and pancakes which we had raved about nostalgically in Boston - didn't taste as good as it had in our daydreams. All in all, it was strange and it made me sad.

The term "alma mater" means "nourishing mother" in Latin, and I think that it describes my college experience perfectly. Oberlin was like my mother; it provided me with the tools I needed to make a life for myself once I had outgrown it, its faculty and staff made me feel incredibly loved and appreciated. I loved my time there, but there definitely came a time for me to leave. And now, going back to visit is similar to going back to the house where I grew up: it was a part of me, but is now no longer mine. And that is exactly how I felt at Oberlin, like a visitor, a guest, in the house where I had grown up.

ciao

Sadness

Well, after quite a bit of anxiety and stress, the year is over and the Boyfriend and I have successfully moved off campus into our new apartment. Classes ended well, though there was a strange bit of nonchalance about it. I was very much expecting to get uber-emotional and mushy with my last class, and rather expected them to at least be a little sad about the fact that I was leaving. When it became clear to them that I didn't really have a plan for class beyond answering a few of their questions, however, they all looked at me expectantly, asking, "So...if we're not going to do anything, can we leave?" I know they had other things on their minds, like, say, exams, but still. Given that reaction I thought, well, if they don't care, why should I? So the last day of class ended without tears.

At graduation, last week, I thought surely, the sadness and emotion is coming now. It's graduation, this is the last time you'll see the students, of course it'll hit you. But it didn't. I sat there and cheered and clapped as each senior received his or her diploma, then chatted with a few other students during the reception afterward, but as I headed back to my apartment, thinking about how I wouldn't see them again, I still wasn't sad.

This lack of sadness confuses me a bit, because I am a very emotional person, sometimes overly so. Any excuse to have a good cry and I take it. Yet here I am, presented with the perfect weeping opportunity, standing dry-eyed. I think it might have been the anxiety of the move, constantly worrying about getting everything into boxes, and knowing that once the move was over, we were driving 13 hours to Ohio. I am currently sitting in Mudd Library at Oberlin College, my lovely alma mater, and this is the first time in weeks when I've had nothing to do and have been able to just be on my own. So maybe after I've had some more time for self-reflection, I'll be sad and nostalgic. But I think that I am looking forward now, to Tufts and all that my program and new living situation will offer. Maybe I'm finished getting emotional over things coming to an end. I had an awesome time at The Academy, but I am ready for something new. So here I go -

ciao