Sadness

Well, after quite a bit of anxiety and stress, the year is over and the Boyfriend and I have successfully moved off campus into our new apartment. Classes ended well, though there was a strange bit of nonchalance about it. I was very much expecting to get uber-emotional and mushy with my last class, and rather expected them to at least be a little sad about the fact that I was leaving. When it became clear to them that I didn't really have a plan for class beyond answering a few of their questions, however, they all looked at me expectantly, asking, "So...if we're not going to do anything, can we leave?" I know they had other things on their minds, like, say, exams, but still. Given that reaction I thought, well, if they don't care, why should I? So the last day of class ended without tears.

At graduation, last week, I thought surely, the sadness and emotion is coming now. It's graduation, this is the last time you'll see the students, of course it'll hit you. But it didn't. I sat there and cheered and clapped as each senior received his or her diploma, then chatted with a few other students during the reception afterward, but as I headed back to my apartment, thinking about how I wouldn't see them again, I still wasn't sad.

This lack of sadness confuses me a bit, because I am a very emotional person, sometimes overly so. Any excuse to have a good cry and I take it. Yet here I am, presented with the perfect weeping opportunity, standing dry-eyed. I think it might have been the anxiety of the move, constantly worrying about getting everything into boxes, and knowing that once the move was over, we were driving 13 hours to Ohio. I am currently sitting in Mudd Library at Oberlin College, my lovely alma mater, and this is the first time in weeks when I've had nothing to do and have been able to just be on my own. So maybe after I've had some more time for self-reflection, I'll be sad and nostalgic. But I think that I am looking forward now, to Tufts and all that my program and new living situation will offer. Maybe I'm finished getting emotional over things coming to an end. I had an awesome time at The Academy, but I am ready for something new. So here I go -

ciao