Saying good -bye

I thought that I would feel different after I turned in my last exam on Saturday, free and happy, but I felt the same; anxious over my exam and wondering what I wanted to do with the rest of my day. I wondered to myself, "I'm done with college now; shouldn't I feel different? Where's that dramatic shift in my life?" I guess it didn't really hit me until yesterday, when I had to say goodbye to a close friend, one whom I don't know when I'll ever see again. It hit me hard when I walked into his room and saw that everything had been packed away. The room was bare and I though, "Oh my god, in about a week my room will look like this too. This is really happening; he's really leaving and I really have to say goodbye." We sat and talked and listened to music, joked about summer plans and discussed his plans for his semester abroad. But finally the moment came when he had to go meet other friends. He hugged me and all I could think of was "No, don't leave me," when in fact it is I who am leaving. I will be moving out and into the world, leaving behind this wonderful place I have come to call home. He was the first of many people that I will have to say good-bye to, the first of many whom I may never see again. As I walked home holding back tears, I couldn't help but think about my past four years here. I walked past all the buildings I had ever taken classes in, the library where I spent more than enough time, the lawns where we would lie out in the sun. As excited as I am to move on to a new phase in my life, I'm not really sure if I'm ready to leave this one behind. I love Oberlin, and all the people I've met here. I will miss almost everything about life here and am terrified of having to move to a new place and start over. I'm terrified of losing contact with those I really care about- everyone is so busy all the time, will I truly keep in touch? But I guess that's just a part of growing up- packing up and moving on, holding on to the things-and people-that really matter.

Its amazing how emotions can just run wild when something huge like college comes to an end. No one really seems to know what to do with themselves, so everyone just goes crazy. Classes just ended this past Friday, and though there is still a week of finals and two weeks till graduation, I still feel like I am going crazy. I don't know how to feel, and I feel everything at once- happy,sad, nervous, excited, depressed, and generally emotional. I don't have much to do by way of finals, so I'll be spending the next two weeks reflecting on my time at Oberlin and probably realizing that this place has meant more to me than any other in my short 22 years of life. I've grown so much here, so much about me has changed. I've made the most wonderful friends who I know I will cherish for the rest of my life. I've learned so much- academic and otherwise-and I feel fully prepared to enter the real world, though as ready as I am, I'm not sure I want to leave. Senior Week and graduation will be wonderful and sad and crazy all mixed into one, and I'm hoping that my friends and I create some memories that are both new and exciting and totally indicative of our time at Oberlin.