Another Bevy of Emotions

OMG. I can't even handle the emotional overload I am experiencing right now. So, I am still contemplating the emotions I expressed in my last post and not really getting anywhere. Mostly just concluding that been an adult is lonely. That being said, today I got an e-mail from the Tufts admissions office telling me that I had been granted an interview after the review of my application. Now, of course my first reaction was total joy. (For those of you who don't remember, back in the summer when I still posted I talked about applying to graduate school; I sent in my apps to BU and Tufts shortly before Thanksgiving) An interview! At a graduate school! And they might want me because of this interview!

And, of course, my next thought was, "Holy shit. I have no idea how to prepare for a graduate school interview." And then, it was like an avalanche of uncertainty. "What will they ask? How do I respond? What if I'm too honest and they don't like that? What if I'm not honest enough and they can tell I'm trying to be clever or whatever? What if they hate me? Which day is better to interview, the first of second? Does it really matter? What do I wear? HOLY SHIT!?!?!?!?" So yeah, confusion abounds. On top of that, I ran into a colleague this evening at dinner and he told me that his cousin is coming into school tomorrow to interview for my job. MY JOB. As relieved and excited and scared as I am about this whole graduate school business, there is still a part of me that is a bit insulted and upset by the fact that the school is trying to find someone to replace me instead of keeping me. It definitely makes me a bit insecure as well; was I so bad a teacher that they really don't want me? That being said, I'm not sure I would stay even if they asked me, since the timing is really awesome for me to go back to school, but still, it's the principle of the thing.

Ugh.

I know I should focus on the fact that I have an interview, that it's in March so there is plenty of time to prepare, and stop freaking out so much. But, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a really emotional person and sometimes it's a bit hard to hold it all in.

ciao